Gaslighting in the C-Suite: How to Spot and Neutralise Manipulation from the Top

A chess board with high-end, executive-style pieces. One piece, a king, is subtly manipulating another piece, a queen, turning it to face the wrong direction while the rest of the board is in sharp focus.

It's one of the most disorienting experiences in corporate life. You walk out of a meeting with a senior colleague or your boss questioning your own sanity. "Did that conversation really happen that way? Am I overreacting? Was I the one who dropped the ball?"

If this feeling is familiar, you may have been a victim of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a subtle but potent form of manipulation where someone twists information, denies facts, or questions your perception to make you doubt your own reality. In the high-stakes environment of the C-suite, it's not just a toxic behaviour — it's a dangerous strategic weapon.

When used by a peer or superior, gaslighting can undermine your confidence, derail your projects, and damage your professional reputation. Recognizing and neutralising it is a critical survival skill for any leader.

Why Gaslighting Thrives at the Top

Gaslighting and other passive-aggressive behaviours are often the weapons of choice for insecure leaders who lack the courage for direct conflict. They are tools used to maintain control, avoid accountability, and gain a political edge.

Common examples in the C-suite include:

• Denying Previous Commitments: "I never agreed to that budget. You must have misunderstood."
• Questioning Your Competence: "Are you sure you're on top of this? You seem a bit overwhelmed lately."
• Shifting Blame: After providing flawed data, they might say, "I thought you would have double-checked those numbers yourself."
• Passive-Aggression: The classic "smiling assassin" behaviour, where positive words are delivered with a negative, undermining tone or intent.

These tactics are designed to put you on the defensive, making you second-guess yourself and expend emotional energy on internal chaos rather than external performance.

Your Shield: The ABCs of Emotional Mastery

When you're being manipulated, you cannot trust your emotional reactions. Your confusion and self-doubt are the intended outcomes of the gaslighter's tactics. Your defence, therefore, must be a disciplined, internal framework that is immune to their influence. This is the ABCs of Emotional Mastery: Assume Nothing, Believe No One, Challenge Everything.

This isn't about becoming cynical; it's about becoming a critical thinker who relies on objective reality, not on another person's distorted version of it.

How to Neutralise Manipulation in 3 Steps

1. Stay in Your Red Centre. Gaslighting is designed to trigger an emotional reaction. Your first and most important move is to refuse to be triggered. When you feel that familiar wave of confusion or anger, that's your cue to find your Red Centre. Take a breath. Acknowledge the feeling without acting on it. This act of Emotional Regulations keeps your rational mind in control and prevents the emotional hijack the manipulator is counting on.

2. Anchor Yourself to the Facts. Your best defence against someone trying to rewrite reality is to be meticulously anchored to it. This means: * Document Everything: After important conversations, send a follow-up email summarising the key decisions and action items. "Just to confirm our discussion, we agreed that my team will handle X, and your team will provide the data by Y. Please let me know if I've misstated anything." This creates a written record that is difficult to dispute. * Trust Your Records, Not Your Memory: When a gaslighter insists an event happened differently, don't argue from memory. Refer back to your documentation. "Let me pull up the minutes from that meeting."

3. Use Calibrated, Factual Language. Do not accuse or get emotional. Confront the behaviour by calmly pointing out the discrepancy between their words and the objective facts. This can be done using a modified version of the Four-Sentence Feedback Method.

• Observation: "In our meeting on Tuesday, we agreed the deadline was the 30th. The email you just sent to the team states it's the 25th."
• Clarification Request: "Could you help me understand what has changed?"

This approach avoids accusation ("You're changing the deadline!") and instead focuses on a neutral, factual discrepancy. It forces the manipulator to either own their change of mind or correct their "mistake," all while you maintain your professionalism.

Playing a Different Game

Ultimately, you cannot win a game of manipulation by playing it. You win by refusing to play. By staying grounded in your Red Centre, anchoring yourself to objective facts, and communicating with calm, disciplined clarity, you neutralize the gaslighter's power. You demonstrate that while they may try to create their own reality, you are firmly planted in the real one.

Navigating C-suite politics requires a unique set of skills.

If you or your team are facing a challenging internal dynamic, Scott Walker can provide the strategic coaching needed to handle it with strength and integrity. Contact us to learn more about our confidential leadership advisory services.