Hiring Negotiators Why Attitude and Resilience Trump Killer Instinct

When building a team of negotiators, most leaders look for the wrong qualities. They hire for "killer instinct," for aggressive talkers, for people who love to "win." They recruit sharks, believing that an adversarial approach is the key to success in high-stakes deals.

This is a deeply flawed strategy.

The best negotiators I have ever worked with — both in law enforcement and in the corporate world — are rarely the loudest or most aggressive people in the room. They are the most patient, the most curious, and the most resilient. They are masters of emotional control, not emotional projection.

When I am helping a client build their internal negotiation capability, I advise them to follow a simple but powerful mantra: hire for attitude, train for skill. The technical skills of negotiation — the frameworks, the tactics — can be taught. But the underlying character traits of an elite negotiator are far more innate.

The Myth of the "Natural Negotiator"

The ide a of the "natural born negotiator" — a charismatic, fast-talking closer — is a myth perpetuated by Hollywood. In reality, these individuals often make for terrible high-stakes negotiators. Their egos get in the way, they talk more than they listen, and their need to "win" every point often leads them to sacrifice the long-term relationship for a short-term victory.

The US Navy SEALs have a famous model for selecting candidates for their elite teams. They plot every individual on a simple matrix: Performance vs. Trust.

• High Performance, High Trust: The ideal team member. The star.
• Low Performance, Low Trust: The person you fire immediately.
• Low Performance, High Trust: A person you can coach and develop.Their character is right.

The most interesting and dangerous person is the High Performance, Low Trust individual. This is the brilliant but toxic team member. The SEALs have a simple rule for this person: they would rather have a hole in their team than have this person in it. Why? Because in a high-stakes environment, a lack of trust is a liability that can get people killed.

The same is true in a high-stakes negotiation. The brilliant, aggressive negotiator whom you cannot trust is a danger to your organisation.

The Three Core Attitudes of an Elite Negotiator

When hiring or identifying potential negotiators for your team, screen for these three core attitudes above all else.

1. Insatiable Curiosity

Great negotiators are obsessed with learning. They have a deep-seated need to understand the other side's world. They are natural Level 5 Listeners. They ask more questions than they make statements. Their default setting is not "How can I convince them?" but "What am I missing here?" This curiosity allows them to uncover the hidden information and unspoken needs that are the keys to unlocking a deal.

Interview Question to Test For It: "Tell me about a time you were completely wrong about a situation. What happened, and what did you learn?" (Look for humility and a genuine love of learning, not defensiveness).

2. Unflappable Resilience

High-stakes negotiations are emotionally taxing. They are filled with pressure, threats, and setbacks. An elite negotiator must have the emotional resilience to absorb this pressure without becoming reactive. They must be able to take a punch, stay in their Red Centre, and stick to the process. They see setbacks not as failures, but as data points.

Interview Question to Test For It: "Describe the most stressful professional situation you have ever faced. How did you feel, and what was your process for managing your response?" (Look for an awareness of their own emotional state and a description of a deliberate process, not just "I pushed through it.")

3. A Commitment to the Process

The best negotiators are disciplined. They have an unwavering faith in the process, particularly the Negotiation Stairway. They understand that you cannot rush to influence. They have the patience to do the hard work of listening and building empathy, even when under immense pressure to get a result. They are not looking for shortcuts.

Interview Question to Test For It: "Walk me through your preparation process for an important conversation or negotiation." (Look for a structured, methodical approach, not just a reliance on "winging it.")

Key Takeaways for Leaders

• Stop Hiring Sharks: Re-evaluate your hiring criteria. Prioritise candidates who demonstrate humility, curiosity, and resilience over those who simply project confidence and aggression.
• Develop Your Own Team: The best negotiators are often already in your organisation. They are the project managers, engineers, or analysts who are known for being great listeners, calm under pressure, and trusted by their colleagues. Identify these individuals and invest in their training.
• Culture is the Ultimate Trainer: The best way to build a team of great negotiators is to create a culture that values curiosity, psychological safety, and a disciplined approach to problem-solving.

Building a world-class negotiation team is not about finding a few "killer" individuals. It is about cultivating a team of disciplined, resilient, and empathetic professionals who trust each other and are committed to a proven process. Hire for these core attitudes, and you can train them to do the rest.