It Seems Like Using Tactical Empathy to Gather Critical Information

In any negotiation, information is power. The party with the more complete picture of the landscape — the other side's true priorities, their fears, their constraints — holds a significant strategic advantage. Most negotiators, however, are terrible at gathering this information.

They try to get it by asking direct, often confrontational questions ("What's your budget?" "Why is that your deadline?"). This approach immediately puts the other side on the defensive, causing them to withhold information and become more guarded.

Elite negotiators understand a profound psychological truth: the best way to get information is not to ask for it directly, but to make the other person want to give it to you. The most effective tool for achieving this is Tactical Empathy. For more on this, see our article on the Empathy Loop.

Tactical Empathy is the deliberate use of empathetic language to influence your counterpart's emotional state and encourage them to share information. It goes beyond simply building rapport; it is an active, intelligence-gathering probe. The most powerful weapons in the Tactical Empathy arsenal are Labels and Mirrors. These are both key components of the MORE PIES framework.

Labels: Naming the Dynamic

A Label is a verbal observation of the other person's feelings, position, or circumstances. It's a gentle, non-accusatory way of bringing an unspoken dynamic into the light. Labels typically beg in with phrases like:

• "It seems like..."
• "It sounds like..."
• "It looks like..."

Notice these are observations, not assertions. You are not saying "You are angry," which can feel like an accusation. You are saying, "It seems like you're frustrated," which is an observation they can confirm or deniy.

How Labels Gather Information:

When you accurately label an emotion, your counterpart feels understood, which builds trust and makes them more likely to elaborate.

• You: "It seems like you're hesitant about the exclusivity clause."
• Them: "I am. Last year we got burned on a similar deal, and the legal team is extremely cautious about being locked in again."

In one sentence, you have just learned about a past negative experience and the internal pressure from their legal team — critical information you would never have obtained by asking, "Why don't you like the exclusivity clause?"

Even if your label is wrong, it still works.

• You: "It seems like you're hesitant about the exclusivity clause."
• Them: "No, it's not that. We're fine with exclusivity. The issue is the length of the term..."

By correcting you, they have still given you the real reason for their resistance. A well-placed label compels a response.

Mirrors: The Art of Encouraging More

A Mirror is the simple technique of repeating the last one to three key words of your counterpart's sentence with a questioning intonation. It is a remarkably effective way to get someone to expand on a point without you having to say almost anything at all.

• Them: "We need to see a significant improvement in the service-level agreement."
• You: "A significant improvement?"
• Them: "Yes. The response times in the last quarter were unacceptable. We had two critical outages that took over four hours toresolve. We need a guarantee that won't happen again."

With just three words, you prompted them to reveal the specific pain point (response times, critical outages) behind their vague initial statement. You didn't have to ask, "What specifically was wrong with the SLA?" The Mirror created a conversational vacuum that they felt compelled to fill.

Key Takeaways for Leaders

Tactical Empathy is not about being soft. It is about being smart. It is the recognition that the most valuable information in a negotiation is rarely offered; it must be skillfully uncovered.

• Turn Your Questions into Labels: Instead of asking direct questions, practice turning them into observational labels. Instead of "Are you worried about the price?" try "It seems like the price point is a major concern."
• Use Mirrors to Dig Deeper: When you hear a vague or important statement, resist the urge to respond immediately. Use a simple Mirror to encourage them to elaborate. You will be amazed at what they reveal.
• Listen for the Unspoken: The goal of Tactical Empathy is to create an environment where your counterpart feels safe enough to share their underlying fears, constraints, and desires. This is the information that truly drives the deal.

In your next negotiation, stop thinking like an interrogator and start thinking like a psychologist. Use Labels and Mirrors to make your counterpart feel so completely understood that they willingly hand you the keys to the kingdom.