A 4-Sentence Script to Make Difficult Conversations Easier

Two executives sitting at a modern, minimalist table. One is speaking calmly, while the other is listening intently, with a look of understanding rather than defensiveness. The background is neutral and professional.

For most leaders, it's the conversation they dread most. Addressing a performance issue, a behavioural problem, or a broken commitment. The potential for defensiveness, emotional escalation, and damaged relationships is so high that many leaders avoid these conversations altogether, letting problems fester until they become crises.

But what if you had a script? A simple, repeatable structure that could take the heat out of the conversation and guide it towards a productive, collaborative outcome.

There is one. It's called the Four-Sentence Feedback Method, a framework I adapted from the work of therapist Janet Hurley. It is one of the most effective tools I've ever used for navigating conflict, both in high-stakes negotiations and in the boardroom. It works because it systematically de-risks the conversation by separating facts from stories and emotions from identity.

The Anatomy of a Difficult Conversation

Most feedback fails because it starts with judgement. "You were unprofessional." "You dropped the ball." "You're not being a team player." These statements immediately trigger the other person's defences. Their brain shuts down its listening centres and prepares to fight back.

The Four-Sentence Method bypasses this trigger by breaking the feedback down into a clear, non-confrontational sequence.

The 4 Sentences That Can Change Everything

Before you begin, you must get yourself into the right state. Find your Red Centre. Remind yourself that your intention is to solve a problem collaboratively, not to win an argument. Once you are calm and centred, you can begin.

Sentence 1: "This is what I saw or heard." Start with a neutral, objective, and undeniable fact. Stick to observable behaviour. Example: "In the client meeting this morning, I noticed you interrupted the client three times while they were speaking." This is not an accusation; it's a data point. It's hard to argue with.

Sentence 2: "The story I'm telling myself is..." This is the most powerful sentence in the entire framework. Instead of stating your judgement as a fact ("You were being disrespectful"), you take ownership of your interpretation. This is a profound act of emotional regulation. Example: "The story I'm telling myself is that we might have appeared more interested in our own agenda than in the client's needs." This separates the behaviour from your interpretation of it. It invites curiosity, not defensiveness.

Sentence 3: "This is how I felt." Now, you share your emotional response using an "I" statement. This is not about blaming them for your feeling, but about sharing the impact of the situation. Example: "I felt concerned that we might have damaged the trust we've built with them."

Sentence 4: "This is what would help me feel better." This final sentence moves the conversation from the past to the future. It's a clear, positive request for a change in behaviour. It's the start of the problem-solving process. Example: "In future meetings, I'd ask that we make a conscious effort to let the client finish their thoughts before we jump in."

From Conflict to Coaching

This four-sentence structure transforms a potentially explosive confrontation into a coaching moment. It creates a psychologically safe space for a real conversation to happen.

By using this method, you are not just delivering feedback; you are modelling a more emotionally intelligent way to handle conflict. You are teaching your team that difficult conversations don't have to be destructive — they can be the most productive conversations you have.

Want to equip your entire leadership team with the tools to handle any conversation with confidence?

The Four-Sentence Feedback Method is a core component of our conflict resolution and leadership communication workshops. Contact Scott Walker today to learn how this and other frameworks can transform your team's effectiveness.