3 techniques to master your mindset

_{3 techniques to master your mindset}

Have you ever felt like a hostage to your own emotions? I certainly have.

Picture this: I'm in a cramped London flat, surrounded by a distraught family. Their son has been kidnapped, and I'm their lifeline.

My heart's pounding, hands slightly shaking.

I'm supposed to be the expert, but in that moment, I feel anything but.

That was my first kidnapping case.

It taught me a crucial lesson: before I could negotiate with kidnappers, I needed to negotiate with myself.

You see, whether you're dealing with hostile kidnappers or a difficult colleague, the key to success lies in mastering your mindset and emotions.

Let me share three techniques I've honed over years of high-stakes negotiations:

_{1) Master Your Inner "Red Centre"}

In crisis negotiations, the "Red Centre" is our command post.

But I've discovered it's also a place within each of us – a calmness in the eye of the storm.

It's where you can strip away fear and unhelpful conditioning to achieve your full potential.

To access your inner Red Centre:

• Acknowledge and accept your current emotional state
• Locate where you feel tension in your body
• Breathe through that sensation until it dissipates

Don’t mistake this for waiting until you feel ready.

In this instance, you’re taking action regardless of how you feel.

Mood follows action.

_{2) Take Control of Your Internal State}

The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of your emotions.

Your emotions aren't who you are – they're just weather patterns passing through.

So how can you take control?

• Pause and take a deep breath before responding
• Ask yourself: "What meaning am I giving this situation?"
• Choose a more empowering interpretation

Consider this: Two people can experience the same situation, yet one sees it as a valuable lesson while the other spirals into despair.

The difference?

The meaning they assign to the event.

_{3) Develop Your Emotional Intelligence}

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the greatest predictor of success in life.

Practice these four domains of EQ:

• Self-awareness: Regularly check in with your feelings
• Self-regulation: Respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively
• Empathy: Demonstrate your understanding of other’s perspectives, even if you disagree
• Social awareness: Pick up on social cues and navigate group dynamics

Your ability to perceive and understand others emotions without necessarily experiencing them yourself will allow you to remain objective while still seeing things from their perspective.

Here's a powerful tool I use: The Negotiation Balance.

Imagine a scale. On one side, you have anxiety, stress, and overwhelm.

On the other, calm, objective, and rational thinking.

Your job in any negotiation is to tip the scale towards the latter.

How?

By addressing the other person's "cry for help" with a "loving response."

Until you can make the other person feel seen, heard, and understood, no amount of logical argument will work.

They simply cannot hear the words being spoken when they're in a heightened emotional state.

Your challenge for the week: The next time you face a difficult conversation, pause. Take a breath. Access your inner Red Centre. Then approach the situation with curiosity rather than assumption.

Ask yourself:

1. What is this person really trying to communicate?
2. What emotion are they experiencing?
3. How can I demonstrate that I understand, even if I disagree?

Anyone can argue, but it takes real skill to negotiate and collaborate effectively.

Your mindset, and the control you have over it, will dictate how you show up in every aspect of life.

These techniques have saved lives in extreme situations - Imagine what they could do for your everyday interactions with colleagues, family, and friends.

Want to dive deeper into these techniques and more?

My Sunday Times bestseller, 'Order Out of Chaos', provides a comprehensive guide to negotiation skills that can transform your personal and professional life.

It's packed with real-life case studies from my years as a kidnap-for-ransom negotiator, along with practical exercises to help you develop your own negotiator's mindset.

Get your copy here.

Until next time,

Scott

p.s. I'd love to hear how you apply these techniques. Reply to this email and let me know how it goes! Your stories might even inspire future newsletter topics.