Hi,
Thanks for joining me this week,
As a reminder:
Each week I’ll send you an actionable tip or technique to help you become a better negotiator.
NEGOTIATION TIP OF THE WEEK
[The Key to Effective Parenting]
The psychologist and best-selling author of several books on raising children, Dr Shefali Tsabary, argues that when parents find themselves triggered by their child’s behaviour, they should try to focus on understanding what the triggers might mean.
By recognising that the child is attempting to communicate something they can't express effectively, parents can change their response patterns. Once children feel understood, they're more likely to modify their behaviour.
As a parent of teenagers, I acknowledge this is simpler in theory than in practice, but it's worth the effort.
All communication can be viewed as either a 'cry for help' or a 'loving response'.
Consider which category applies to both your and the other person's words or behaviour during emotional exchanges.
Parent's feelings:
- Annoyed
- Challenged
- Hurt (e.g., when child says "I hate you")
Child's needs:
- Attention
- Control or decision-making
- Feeling loved (expressed through revenge-seeking behaviour)
While most people won't negotiate hostage situations, daily life offers ample opportunities to practice these communication tools.
The world is full of triggers - from others' actions or inactions to external events like traffic jams or political news.
As Gabor Maté notes, while others may trigger us, we carry the ammunition that causes our reactions.
2 QUOTES THAT STOOD OUT TO ME THIS WEEK
“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.”
- Epictetus
“There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation.”- Meryl Streep
1 CHALLENGE FOR YOU
Catch yourself next time you’re tempted to jump in with your own story, advice, or assumptions during a conversation. Instead, ask a follow-up question or simply listen.
Then, tell me how it went. I want to hear about your experience.
Simply reply to this email with your story—whether it was a win, a challenge, or a learning moment. I’ll feature the best responses (anonymously, if you prefer) in next week’s newsletter so that we can all learn together.
Until next week,
Scott
Sunday Times bestselling author of ‘Order Out of Chaos’
Let's Transform How you Handle Critical Conversations.
