Manage the holiday tensions with these proven techniques

Hi,

Thanks for joining me this week.

As a reminder:

I’ll send you a useful tip each week to help you improve your communication skills.

_{TIP OF THE WEEK}

Family gatherings can trigger some of our most challenging conversations.

The holiday season has a way of amplifying tensions, resurfacing old patterns, and testing our communication skills to their limits.

After years of handling high-stakes negotiations, I've noticed something interesting: family discussions often fail for the same reasons hostage negotiations do - emotions.

Here's what most people get wrong: They prepare what to say, but not how to listen.

We rehearse our responses, plan our defences, and steel ourselves for conflict.

But real breakthrough moments rarely come from what we say, they come from how we hear others.

So with that in mind, I’d like to give you three strategies to manage those difficult conversations this Christmas.

_{1) The Power of the Pause}

When a relative inevitably makes that political comment or your sibling brings up an old grievance, your first reaction is rarely your best response.

Take a breath.

Create space between the trigger and your response.

_{2) Listen for Fear, Not Facts}

Behind most holiday conflicts lies a fear:

• Fear of not being respected
• Fear of being misunderstood
• Fear of losing connection
• Fear of change

When you hear criticism, listen for the underlying concern.

Often, the loudest arguments mask deeper needs for validation or understanding.

_{3) Choose Connection Over Correction}

You don't have to agree with everyone's perspective to acknowledge their right to have one.

Sometimes, maintaining a relationship matters more than being right.

Try this approach:

• Notice when you're getting defensive
• Ask yourself what the other person might be afraid of losing
• Focus on understanding before being understood
• Use "help me understand" instead of "but" or "actually"

_{Key Takeaway}

You can't control family dynamics, but you can control your response to them.

_{1 QUESTION FOR YOU}

How might your conversations with loved ones improve if you focused more on understanding than being understood?

_{2 QUOTES THAT STOOD OUT TO ME THIS WEEK}

"It takes two to speak the truth—one to speak and another to hear."
‍- Henry David Thoreau

"If you think communication is all talking, you haven't been listening."
‍- Ashleigh Brilliant

Until next week, wishing you all a merry and peaceful Christmas.

Scott

Sunday Times bestselling author of ‘Order Out of Chaos’

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