Hi,
Thanks for joining me this week.
As a reminder:
I’ll send you a useful tip each week to help you improve your communication skills.
TIP OF THE WEEK
Ever notice how quickly we jump to fixing things?
Your friend starts sharing a problem, and halfway through their first sentence, you're already formulating solutions.
Your colleague raises an issue, and before they've finished explaining, you're offering three different ways to solve it.
We think we're being helpful.
Efficient.
Solutions-focused.
But here's what I've learned from thousands of high-stakes conversations:
Sometimes solving isn't helping.
Sometimes, it's actually the thing getting in our way.
Think about the last time you were really struggling with something.
Did you need an immediate solution, or did you need someone to truly understand what you were going through?
When we rush to solve, we:
- Miss crucial information
- Make others feel unheard
- Solve the wrong problem
- Break trust instead of building it
- Force quick fixes over lasting solutions
When someone shares a problem with you, they're rarely just looking for solutions.
They're often:
- Testing if it's safe to be vulnerable
- Trying to make sense of their situation
- Looking for connection and understanding
- Needing validation for their feelings
- Working through their thoughts out loud
The most powerful thing you can do in these moments is creating a space for understanding.
Try this instead:
- Notice your urge to fix
- Take a breath
- Get curious about their experience
- Ask questions that help them explore
- Wait for them to ask for solutions
This doesn't mean never offering solutions.
It means earning the right to offer them by understanding first.
Key Takeaway
The moment someone feels unheard, they stop being open to solutions - no matter how brilliant those solutions might be.
1 QUESTION FOR YOU
Which relationship could deepen if you focused on listening before solving?
2 QUOTES THAT STOOD OUT TO ME THIS WEEK
“Communication works for those who work at it”
- John Powell
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a lifelong quest of the wise”
- Shannon L. Alder
Until next week,
Scott
P.S. If you enjoyed my Sunday Times bestseller, Order Out of Chaos, you’ll love my follow-up, Eye of The Storm, out May 8th, 2025.
It’s packed with new insights and practical tools to help you stay calm, act decisively, and thrive under pressure.
Whether you're facing challenges at home, managing workplace demands, or dealing with daily stresses, this book will help you build resilience, resolve conflicts, and strengthen relationships.
I don’t know about you, but that seems like a great outcome for the year ahead!
Take advantage of early bird discounts and pre-order your copy here.
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Let's Transform How you Handle Critical Conversations.
