Hi,
Thanks for joining me this week.
As a reminder:
I’ll send you a useful tip each week to help you improve your communication skills.
TIP OF THE WEEK
We all have them - those people who can take you from calm to triggered in seconds.
The family member who knows exactly what to say to get under your skin.
The person who constantly interrupts you in meetings.
What's fascinating isn't that they can trigger us - it's that they can do it so predictably, almost like pressing a button.
Here's what most people get wrong: They think the solution is changing the other person's behaviour.
But that's like trying to control the weather.
Your time and attention is much better placed in understanding your own triggers.
Think about your last triggered moment:
- What exactly was said or done?
- What meaning did you give it?
- What past experiences did it remind you of?
- How did you react?
Here's what's actually happening under the surface ⤵️
Someone says or does something → It hits a sensitive spot → Your brain connects it to past experiences → You react automatically.
The key word here is 'automatically.'
We're not choosing our response, we're running an old program.
But there's a gap - a tiny space between trigger and response.
This is where everything can change.
Instead of trying to avoid triggers (impossible) or change others (exhausting), try this:
1) Map Your Triggers
- Notice what reliably sets you off
- Identify the pattern
- Name the underlying fear or need
2) Recognise Your Programs
- What's your automatic response?
- Where did you learn this reaction?
- What does it cost you?
3) Create New Choices
- Pause when triggered (even for a second)
- Name what's happening ("I'm feeling defensive")
- Choose your response consciously
You're not trying to become unmovable.
Try to think of it as moving from automatic reactions to conscious responses.
Key Takeaway
Your triggers are your teachers, they show you exactly where you need to grow.
1 QUESTION FOR YOU
Who could lose their power over you if you mastered that gap between trigger and response?
2 QUOTES THAT STOOD OUT TO ME THIS WEEK
“We are stronger when we listen and smarter when we share”
- Rania Al-Abdullah
“The more we learn about effective communication, the better we’ll be at leading, as our directives will be better understood”
- Paul Jarvis
Until next week,
Scott
P.S. If you enjoyed my Sunday Times bestseller, Order Out of Chaos, you’ll love my follow-up, Eye of The Storm, out May 8th, 2025.
It’s packed with new insights and practical tools to help you stay calm, act decisively, and thrive under pressure.
Whether you're facing challenges at home, managing workplace demands, or dealing with daily stresses, this book will help you build resilience, resolve conflicts, and strengthen relationships.
I don’t know about you, but that seems like a great outcome for the year ahead!
Take advantage of early bird discounts and pre-order your copy here.
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