The subtle signs you're dealing with an energy drain (and how to protect yourself)

Hi,

Thanks for joining me this week.

As a reminder:

I’ll send you a useful tip each week to help you improve your communication skills.

TIP OF THE WEEK

You don't need to be held hostage by emotional vampires.

In my years of crisis negotiation, I've learned that the most draining people aren't always the kidnappers - they're often the colleagues and stakeholders on our own side.

I call this the "crisis within the crisis," and it typically consumed 80% of my energy during negotiations.

Sound familiar?

Let me break down the five most common types I've encountered:

The Drama Lovers: Everything's a catastrophe

The Victims: Nothing's ever their fault

The Controllers: Must have input on everything

The Entitled: Their view is the only valid one

The Talkers: Will drain you through sheer exhaustion

Quick side note before you read on…

I wanted to let you know that my new book "Eye of the Storm: How to Make Good Decisions in Bad Situations" is now available for pre-order.

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Pre-order now and you'll:

• Get the book the day it launches
• Help support the newsletter (thank you!)
• Get access to some exclusive pre-launch content I'm putting together

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Now, back to this week's insights...

KEY TAKEAWAY

Here's what most people get wrong: you can't control these people, but you can control how much energy you give them.

The key is to observe but not absorb.

I learned this the hard way during negotiations - the moment I started absorbing the drama instead of just observing it, my decision-making went out the window.

Quick tactical approach:

• Set clear boundaries (and stick to them)
• Practice mindfulness (helps you spot when you're being drained)
• Interact virtually when possible (create physical distance)
• Stick to the facts (avoid getting pulled into emotional games)
• Keep conversations focused and time-limited

1 QUESTION FOR YOU

Think about your last really exhausting interaction.

Was it truly the situation that drained you, or was it the person?

How might you handle it differently next time using the observe-don't-absorb approach?

WORTH CHECKING OUT

Found this great TEDx talk that fits perfectly with today's topic.

It dives into setting boundaries (something we all need to get better at) and finding what they call your "islands of stability" - those people and places that actually give you energy instead of draining it.

If you're struggling with any of the emotional vampires we talked about above, this is worth a watch.

Until next week,

Scott

P.S. If you enjoyed my Sunday Times bestseller, Order Out of Chaos, you’ll love my follow-up, Eye of The Storm, out May 8th, 2025.

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I don’t know about you, but that seems like a great outcome for the year ahead!

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