Your brain has 4 characters. Here's how to use them...

Your brain has 4 characters. Here's how to use them...

Have you ever found yourself in a heated argument with your partner, both of you trying to prove you're right, knowing full well that neither of you is the enemy?

Or perhaps you've been in a high-stakes business negotiation where emotions suddenly flared, derailing what should have been a rational discussion?

If so, you're not alone.

These scenarios are perfect examples of what I call the "emotional hijack" – a phenomenon I've encountered countless times in my career as a hostage negotiator.

Today, I want to share with you a revolutionary understanding of how our brains work in these high-pressure situations.

This insight has not only saved lives in extreme circumstances but can transform your everyday interactions.

The Myth of The Split Brain

For years, we've been told that our brains are divided into two distinct halves: the logical left and the emotional right.

But recent research has blown this idea out of the water.

The truth is far more fascinating – and empowering.

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard-educated neuroanatomist, describes in her book ‘Whole Brain Living’ how you have four different ‘characters’ inside your brain and the better you know these characters, the easier your life will become.

The insights came from her experience of suffering a massive stroke on the left side of her brain, which she has also spoken about in her popular TED talk, ‘My Stroke of Insight’, which has been viewed over 28 million times.

Understanding these characters is like unlocking a superpower in negotiation and communication.

Meet Your Inner Cast:

1) The Organiser (Left-Brain Thinking):

This is your inner list-maker, the one who colour-codes your calendar and insists the stapler goes back in its proper place. It's amazingly gifted at creating order but can also trigger your stress response with its perfectionist tendencies.

2)The Protector (Left-Brain Emotional):

This character is your inner guardian, always on the lookout for potential threats. It's the voice of your deepest fears and insecurities, often stemming from past traumas. It's the part that might send you into a Netflix binge when you should be preparing for that big presentation.

3)The Explorer (Right-Brain Emotional):

Here's your adventure-seeker, the part of you that craves connection and new experiences. It's all about the present moment, finding similarities rather than differences with others. But beware – it's also prone to "shiny object syndrome."

4)The Compassionate Observer (Right-Brain Thinking):

This is your inner zen master. It's the part of you that feels deep gratitude, acceptance, and peace. When you meditate or practice mindfulness, you're tapping into this character.

The Choice

You have the power to choose which character takes the lead in any given moment.

This isn't pop psychology – it's neuroscience.

When you're triggered, you have a 90-second window where emotion-related chemicals flood your body.

After that, you get to decide: Do you keep feeding that emotion, or do you choose a different approach?

In my work negotiating with kidnappers, this understanding has been crucial.

When emotions run high and lives are on the line, the ability to consciously shift between these characters can make all the difference.

So, how do you put this into practice? Dr. Bolte Taylor suggests a process she calls "the huddle":

1. Breathe: Connect with your breathing.
2. Recognise: Which character are you currently embodying?
3. Appreciate: Acknowledge that character's role.
4. Inquire: Which character would be most helpful in this situation?
5. Navigate: Choose to embody that character.

Imagine you're in a tense business negotiation.

Your "Protector" might be on high alert, interpreting every comment as a threat.

But by using the huddle, you could choose to shift to your "Compassionate Observer," allowing you to respond with calm clarity rather than defensive reactivity.

This week, I invite you to:

Name your characters.

Give each of your four brain characters a name that resonates with you.

Practice the huddle.

Next time you're in a challenging situation, run through the five steps.

Reflect.

At the end of each day, consider which characters showed up most often. Were they helpful? How might different characters have changed the outcomes?

As Dr. Bolte Taylor says, "We are feeling creatures who think, rather than thinking creatures who feel."

If you truly take the time to understand and control your four characters, you can approach any negotiation – whether it's a million-dollar deal or a discussion about whose turn it is to do the dishes – with greater empathy, clarity, and effectiveness.

In my Sunday Times bestseller ‘Order Out of Chaos’, I dive deeper into these techniques and how they can be applied in both high-stakes and everyday situations.

You can get your copy here.

Until next time,

Scott

‍

p.s. Please do not reply to this email; if you have questions, observations, or even suggestions as to what you’d like to see more of in these newsletters, please complete the form on my Contact Us page. Thank you!