Stop Waiting to Talk: How to Truly Listen with MORE PIES

Have you ever been in a conversation and realised the other person isn'ttruly listening? They're just waiting for a gap to make their own point.We've all been there. But as I discovered in the high-stakes world ofcrisis negotiation, listening is not a passive act of waiting. It is themost active and potent tool for influence you possess.

To transform your communication skills, you need a practical toolkit.That's why I developed the MORE PIES mnemonic — a simple, memorableframework for active listening. It's a set of techniques that will moveyou from a superficial hearing to a level of listening that buildstrust, resolves conflict, and forms the foundation of world-classnegotiation.

What Does MORE PIES Stand For?

MORE PIES is a collection of powerful active listening techniques, eachdesigned to help you understand the person in front of you on a deeperlevel. Let's break it down:

• M - Minimal Encouragers: These are the small verbal and non-verbalcues — like 'I see', 'uh-huh', or a simple nod — that show you arepaying attention and encourage the other person to continue speaking.
• O - Open-Ended Questions: These are questions that can't beanswered with a simple 'yes' or 'no'. They invite the other person toshare more information and reveal their underlying motivations. Think'What happened next?' or 'How did that make you feel?'
• R - Reflecting/Mirroring: This involves repeating the last fewwords or the essence of what the other person has just said. It showsyou are listening and creates an instant rapport.
• E - Effective Pauses: Silence is a powerful tool. Pausing beforeyou speak gives the other person space to think and often encouragesthem to elaborate further, revealing crucial information.
• 'I' Message: Frame your perspective from your own experience.Saying "I feel concerned when the report is late," is far moreeffective for conflict resolution than saying, "You are alwayslate with the report." It focuses on the problem, not the person.
• E - Emotional Labelling: This is the strategic practice ofidentifying and articulating the other person's emotions. "It soundslike you're feeling incredibly frustrated," is a powerful way todemonstrate empathy and is key to emotional regulation in a tenseconversation.
• S - Summarising: Periodically, summarise the other person's pointsin your own words. This confirms your understanding, shows you've beenlistening, and allows you to check for any misinterpretations beforethey escalate.

How MORE PIES Aids Emotional Regulation

When conversations become heated, it's easy for emotions to take over.Techniques like Emotional Labelling and Summarising act as a pressurevalve. By calmly identifying the emotions in the room, you manage theemotional temperature and prevent misunderstandings from spiralling outof control. This is a critical skill for keeping your own emotions incheck and guiding the conversation back to a rational footing.

The Foundation of Elite Negotiation Training

In my negotiation training, MORE PIES is not just a theory; it's apractical drill. We build the muscle of active listening throughrepetition because it is essential for effective decision-making.You cannot make a good decision in a negotiation without having all thefacts, and you only get all the facts through deep, active listening.

By mastering the MORE PIES framework, you stop simply waiting for yourturn to talk and start actively shaping the conversation. You buildtrust, uncover hidden needs, and create the conditions for a successfuloutcome.

I challenge you to pick just one or two elements of MORE PIES toconsciously apply in your next important conversation. You will beamazed at the difference it makes.

Want to dive deeper into the art of communication? Explore our otherarticles on negotiation and influence. [Link to Blog Hub]